Meet the Plants

Welcome to the Flora Wellness & Root Balance Center.

Here, houseplants come to discuss their concerns, environmental stress, and complicated relationships with their owners. Below are some of the most common plant personalities currently in therapy.

Peace Lily

Diagnosis: Abandonment Panic Disorders

Symptoms:

  • sudden dramatic collapse
  • emotional thirst
  • silent judgment

Treatment:

Immediate watering and reassurance.

Fern

Diagnosis: Humidity Panic Disorder

Symptoms:

  • crisping
  • stress reactions to drafts
  • dramatic dehydration

Treatment:

Stable humidity and calm surroundings.

Spider Plan

Diagnosis: Prolific Parenthood Overwhelm

Symptoms:

  • hundreds of children
  • constant chaos
  • inability to rest

Treatment:

Healthy boundaries and occasional pruning.

Orchid

Diagnosis: Fragile Glamour Syndrome

Symptoms:

  • refuses imperfect lighting
  • expects spa-level humidity
  • expresses silent disappointment

Treatment:

Filtered light and consistent care.

Aloe Vera

Diagnosis: Chronic Caretaker Exhaustion

Symptoms:

  • helping everyone else
  • ignoring personal needs
  • emotional burnout

Treatment:

Scheduled rest and reduced emotional labor.

ZZ Plant

Diagnosis: Radical Unbothered Minimalism

Symptoms:

  • none

Treatment:

None required.